My dark night
Testimonies - Mar 20, 2021 Author: Jeanette Green

My dark night

In my mid-twenties, when I became born again, I floated on a cloud of infatuation with Jesus. At that time I had read an article about “the dark night of the soul”. It stated that every Christian experiences a period when God feels distant, as if He turned His face away.

Certainly, I would never experience such a time? No! God would never feel distant to me. And then 2013 arrived, and I experienced this virtual absence of God.

It was the most terrible time of my entire life, to date. Before, I have experienced plenty of difficult circumstances. Life was tough, but I sensed the Lord’s presence with me and having the assurance of his nearness enabled me to endure. 2013 was no different and presented many hardships. I experienced emotional turmoil and had financial troubles, too. The spiritual atmosphere around me had changed, and a thick cloud of depression hung over me. It became incredibly hard to pray. God had withdrawn from me, He had disappeared. So it felt.

All interaction between me and God seemed to be blocked and I didn’t experience the manifestation of the Holy Spirit as before. I yearned for the time when it used to be so easy to hear God’s voice, to dance for Him, to wave prophetic flags, do prophetic actions, and pray in tongues. How I have taken it all for granted!

Many dark months passed. All I could do was to hold on to God’s Word. He said he never leaves or forsakes us.

Then, suddenly, God broke through and I felt His presence with, and inside me again. My heart overflowed with joy. My circumstances had not changed, but I felt as if a ton of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders. I was strengthened, because of his joy bubbling inside of me. It was awesome! I was so relieved to hear God speak again.

What did I learn from this experience?
I can’t even love God out of my own effort. During this dark time, doesn’t matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find that love-feeling I had for God in my heart. Even my love for God is a gift of grace from Him. God carries me, if I sense his presence, or not. He is always still in control.  And sensing God’s presence is a precious treasure!

Biblical characters that experienced it:
David writes in Ps13 about his experience of how the Lord is hiding from him.

Job experiences terrible calamity and God only starts speaking in chapter 38 of Job, after Job has endured a lot.

Psa 13:1  How much longer will you forget me, LORD? Forever? How much longer will you hide yourself from me?

Father God, thank you for the gift of the Holy Spirit. Thank you for the grace of assuring us of your presence with us. Father, today I want to pray for any of your children who may feel as if you have abandoned them, like they are alone, and must face their troubles alone. Please make your presence with them manifest, oh God. Give them a special hug, breathe scripture into their souls. Deliver them from the darkness that blinds them. Thank You, Lord, for your promise that ‘tears may flow at night, but joy comes with the morning light.’ Thank You for your light that penetrates the deepest darkness, and revives hope in the most hopeless heart. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Share on: