Worship

Beginning in 2013, I experienced a period of extreme emotional turmoil and pain. The pain manifested in my body, too, so that I struggled to live my daily life. The worst was that I could not connect with God. Whenever I tried to pray, I fell asleep, and the Bible seemed dull and dead to me.
January 2015, a friend told me that God wanted me to worship again. God had spoken! So, as impossible as it felt to me, I dragged myself out of bed early mornings and tried to have quiet times with God. At first, my lips felt like they were glued together, and I had to force the worship out. But with God’s help, I persisted. After a couple of days, something precious happened! Spontaneous worship burst from my lips, and I twirled and danced in God’s presence. That was it. At that moment my quiet times had progressed from being a chore, a discipline, to being the best time of my day, and I thought, of my life.
Each of those worship sessions had two parts – one where I poured out my heart to God, and the other where He sang over me. I did not understand that God was using my own mouth to speak healing over me. Soon the dark cloud that had hung over me for years, and that had felt impenetrable, started evaporating. I felt something happen in my soul, saw restoration taking place before my eyes.

In time I had started recording the worship sessions, and from those recordings, I later typed the words up. I did not yet know that God was guiding me to a whole new form of worship.

In 2016, my body started failing me. Debilitating pain in my back, and later my legs, too, brought my spontaneous dancing singing worship to a grinding halt. I was so overcome with sadness about the loss of the experience I have come to hold so dear, that I almost missed the new thing God was doing in my life. Every day, God nudged me to write down the words I would have sung, before. Bit-by-bit, I did. At first, only a few words drizzled onto my journal’s pages. But eventually, God unleashed a downpour of fresh words that flooded pages, then books.

I share a selection of my typed-up spontaneous worship, as well as the written worship of later years, and my present-day outpours, here.

May God help you find among these writings, the very words you need to hear Him sing over you. And may He use these writings to usher you into a new era of your own spontaneous worship, a level of intimacy in your relationship with Jesus, that you haven’t tasted before.