Seeing myself (Written 19 Feb 2021)
Worship - Mar 17, 2021 Author: Jeanette Green

Seeing myself (Written 19 Feb 2021)

I was certain I was born
to be an adventurer, a hero, a warrior.
The day would come that God would use me
to change the world, 
to change people’s hearts,
to point them to their Saviour.

I was born to be spectacular,
to shine like a star, 
for God’s glory.
Still my life, thus far,
has been seemingly wasted, 
a boring, sad story.

Through a sequence of events
God forces me to see 
who I really am.
Full of fear,
loving Egypt’s comfort,
sometimes lazy,
sometimes lost.

Do I really want to be?

Who am I kidding -
not a mighty warrior,
not even the princess
I dreamed of being.

Maybe I still do, 
but I don’t want to,
cannot endure
the training I need to become.
This treacherous heart of mine,
only You can cure.

Shocked to see myself naked,
no white clothes on me.
My life running out,
my days numbered.
How many left,
I know not...
Too few,
they
be.

Willing to do things for You,
except what You ask.
How do I make
my flesh bow,
when in my own glory
I want to bask?

God, I’m a mess,
afraid I might fall away
into the dark abyss,
where my soul must die
If the testing days ahead,
like those already past,
ahead of me without end
they lie.

What it takes, 
I don’t have.
A worm I am.
Unable to face
these high stakes.

Silencing my capitulation,
Your peace comes rushing in!
I am able 
to do all things
through Christ Jesus
who gives me strength,
by your blood is forgiven -
my sin.

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